Tuesday, November 07, 2006

A wedding, an interview and a lot of thinking.

It’s been a busy few weeks with some joyous moments and some less joyous ones.

I went to my best friends wedding a couple of week’s back (you can see the photo.s here) which was a wonderful event. I have been to two weddings in recent weeks; the first ceremony seemed a prelude before a party. The second wedding was a joyous, God-centred celebration of marriage and the blessing of a new relationship. The ceremony had so many personal touches with hymns that meant something to them and a great deal of time to surround the marriage in prayer. The reception was lovely and it gave me a good opportunity to get to catch-up with an old friend called Pete.

Then there was the interview at Premier Christian Radio which was good. I did not feel at my best, to be frank, as I was so nervous. I answered most of the questions appropriately. There were a couple of issues. I was asked the problems faced if the radio news team spread into TV journalism. I answered the question by talking about images to which the programme controller seemed to mutter ‘a rookie reason’. Perhaps, I should have mentioned the fact that there would be a limit to the area covered, the timing issues (TV takes far longer) and the need for more library images. The second question I could have been stronger on was the last one. It was the famous one about being given an hour’s programming for the next day and what would I fill it with tomorrow. Despite having prepared the question, my mind went blank and I bumbled something about the effect of religion on politics. I just could not think. We will await the outcome.

I am still awaiting the outcome of the interview and for all the other jobs I have applied for. That said, I have been given time to think about what I wanted to do with my life and how I want things to balance out. This means balancing my family, relationships, journalism hopes and faith in some sort of way which will sustain me for the coming months. I have been wondering about exploring a career in the church and trying to work out if that is what God is calling me to. I mean, this does not necessarily mean becoming a vicar; it could mean lay readership, working for a church organisation or simply being involved in the church. I have been reading up on vocation and it seems that God calls us to some sort of ministry and mine could well be journalism but I feel a deeper sense of unrest. I get these images of how the church should be structured, what needs to be done to make a church grow or what a sermon should have said. I have also got these dreams about presiding at the Eucharist. I feel I want to tell the world about the good news but tell them that it is open to them whatever their colour, wealth or sexuality. God is a God of love without condition or clause. I just need to work out how all this fits together.

I have also been feeling a bit down recently; not only working through the above but also working on finding a job and living at home. It has been great spending time with my Mother and our relationship has strengthened recently. I just miss seeing people my own age and having a little more freedom in my life. I have been increasingly tetchy as I struggle to find a job which is not fair on anyone.

That said, there have been various friends who have been an incredible support and who have helped me to go forward. My parents have this on-going confidence in me which is wonderful. I have now to tap into my own personal strength.
There’s a song by Sigur Ros which has been used as the soundtrack to the ‘Planet Earth’ adverts. It’s last line (in Icelandic) summarises what I need to do so well:

‘Og eg fae bloonasir, En eg stend lltaf upp’

‘And I get nosebleed But I always get up.’
CJGx

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